and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
its liver damage thursday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
