only if we run a train.
done.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
