i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
