This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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