I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
