My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
