I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
