So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
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I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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