Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
