dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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