when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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