I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
