2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
