Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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