Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am one with the molecules
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
