if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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