bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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