He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
