Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
