If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
