took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
