She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize