My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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