First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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