I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
