Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need water and some morals
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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