My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
