Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
