omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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