OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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