I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
