The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
