i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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