Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
