please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
