Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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