can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
