At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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