It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
