you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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