Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
