someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
where does the pee come out of this thing
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
