i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
operation harelip BJ is a go
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
