dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
