are you still at the devil's house?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
