i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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