He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
