so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
