I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
