Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
