Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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