hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
