i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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