My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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