Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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