I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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