the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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