i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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