Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
