but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
