do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
