If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
