Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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