I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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