i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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