Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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