Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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