I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
