Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
