I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
