i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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