So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
