Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
