I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
