He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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