I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
