My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize